It’s Day 112 of my self-imposed captivity in Kenny’s attic. I’ve become delirious, and I’ve lost at least 20 pounds. I haven’t found much to eat, so I’ve been subsisting on wood shavings and insulation I’ve gathered from the inner walls of the space. One night, I got so hungry that I risked climbing down the ladder into the studio, hoping to find some kind of forgotten Postmates delivery. Unfortunately, when I reached the floor, I stepped on a nail. I had to think fast, I was bleeding profusely and rapidly losing consciousness. I removed my DOTS t-shirt and wrapped it around my wound, tightening it just in time. In that moment I wondered, was that a trap? Had Kenny intended for me to climb down those steps and injure myself? Did he think it could stop me? I laughed to myself. It’s gonna take more than entry level Home Alone tactics to stop me. All I know is this is an act of war. I can't show weakness. I'll have updates next week. Anyways, episode of The Cave, starring Teezo Touchdown.

Kenny Beats
Himself

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